Manic Depression

[clarkey]

Dear NSC,

If anyone out there has had to suffer from this illness, or had to help someone with it, Im looking for some advice.

My ex-girlfriend became ill over the summer and has been diagnosed with manic depression and a serious eating disorder, regularly going 4/5 days at a time without eating. She was in hospital for two weeks and her weight dropped to 40 kilos. She told me recently how she has at times wanted to die, and just on Friday she asked how I would feel if she did die. She has been on 8 pills a day for months and is trapped in her own mind and her terribly negative thoughts about herself and here future. The only way she gets through now is drink and drugs, how can you deny someone, hugely strong willed, the only things getting her through even if they are so dangerous and unhelpful?

We were best friends before, and although things have never been the same since we broke up, I still care about her a lot, and Im one of the few people she confides in. This is a beautiful 20 year old girl, hugely popular, studying at Cambridge University. She has a wonderful life and great friends, despite underlying family problems.

If anyone has suffered from this how did you cope, and what did your friends and family do to help you?

If you have been in a similar situation, what did you find helped the person who was ill and what advice would you give to someone caring for someone with depression?

Many thanks in advance guys.

 

[Spun Cuppa]

I think you need to give her your unconditional support, as in accepting that her moods might go from one extreme to the other, from manic highs, to black depressions. Possibly also, it might be a bit of expect the unexpected, as this condition affects the personality greatly, and she might behave in ways that might surprise you, and this is where the unconditional support comes in...

Good on you...

 

[ATFC Seagull]

Not suffered from it myself but have been involved with it, as such. The main thing I can say is patience and understanding. I found at times it can be very irritating, but its impossible to really empathise with someone in that position so you just need to be there for them unconditionally really!

 

[The Grockle]

I'm no expert but my own experience of depression was as a result of drink and drug abuse so my advise would be to help her as best you can to beat these demons first, it can't be helping her illness. When you are depressed just smoking too much weed can put you in a dark place and drinking too much can mess with your head too.

It seems you are a good mate and just having someone around is bound to help her through the low times just bear in mind depression is a mental illness and not the same as being a bit down so often your efforts might not appear to have any influence on her mood or state of mind.

From my own experience, a change of scenery picked me up. Just getting out of the rut for a day or weekend, getting away bad influences. A female mate of mine dragged me to London Zoo for a day out when I was at my lowest point and i went from not even raising a smile for a week to laughing my head off and having a laugh.

 

[fire&skill]

It's a good idea to get an understanding from others writing and experiences - Stephen Fry's are well documented and a few of Terry Hall's recent interviews have given a good insight.

 

[bhaexpress]

Both drink and drugs will affect behaviour as drink in particular is a depressant and has a chemical affect on the brain. However to be Manic Depressive is not necessarily caused by either. It's treated with drugs yes but should be dealt with by health professionals, it's not something for laymen to try to fix, you can't. All you can do is be as supportive as you can manage and try offer encouragement.

 

[Chesney Christ]

I'm no expert but my own experience of depression was as a result of drink and drug abuse so my advise would be to help her as best you can to beat these demons first, it can't be helping her illness. When you are depressed just smoking too much weed can put you in a dark place and drinking too much can mess with your head too.

It seems you are a good mate and just having someone around is bound to help her through the low times just bear in mind depression is a mental illness and not the same as being a bit down so often your efforts might not appear to have any influence on her mood or state of mind.

From my own experience, a change of scenery picked me up. Just getting out of the rut for a day or weekend, getting away bad influences. A female mate of mine dragged me to London Zoo for a day out when I was at my lowest point and i went from not even raising a smile for a week to laughing my head off and having a laugh.

You must have been in a bad way, zoo's are shit...

 

[Sergei Gotsmanov]

I have seen how damaging this illness can be and have tried to support someone through their problems. My biggest recommendation is to convince her to get professional help especially if she is now hinting at self harming. Unless you are qualified to provide the support she needs you will not be able to cope. There are a lot of really good support groups out there and talking things through with people who have been or are going through the same thing makes a massive difference.

In my experience the drink, drugs and & eating disorder were all a manifestation of a more deep seated problem centred around self perception. It is important that it is the underlying cause that is addressed as treating the secondary illnesses can waste a lot of time and will never lead to a full recovery.

The best thing you can personally do is be there fore her, make sure she knows how much you care for her and take every opportunity to get her out doing things that give her something else to focus on.

Good luck my friend.

 

[Durlston]

This must be terribly difficult for you to cope with mate.

I suffered from severe depression about four years ago.What brought it on was heavy drug use over a number of years.I only had myself to blame really.Starting with cannabis,i moved on to cocaine and ecstasy which really did f*** my head up by using all the serotonin in my brain(which is responsible for moods).I took drugs to give me more confidence,being such a shy person.It all came to a point where one afternoon at work i'd just had enough and told the boss to f*** off.Everybody was so shocked that i walked out as i was fairly popular.He'd heard rumours that i took drugs and this made me even more paranoid.At that point in my life,it felt like nothing mattered at all.Nothing.I'd just been dumped by an absolutely stunning girl and i was so in love with her.

I'd been going to a mental health centre for a couple of years but this time i knew i really needed help as i was having very,very dark thoughts.They put me on anti-depressants and diazepam which saved my life without doubt.Things started to get better,i knew i had to stop taking illegal drugs for a long time.I had good family and friends around me but no-one really understood how i felt.I didn't want to burden them with my problems.The only people i could open up to were psychiatrists.

As others have said patience is the key.When you say she's on 8 pills a day,what kind? Ecstasy? she is very lucky to have someone that cares about her as much as you.

I really hope she gets better soon mate but it's all down to her.She has to want to change.As long as you're always there for her,she'll be back on the right path.

 

[clarkey]

Thanks for all your help everyone; its really good to know that help is out there and that you can come out the right side.

In terms of the pills I meant the stuff shes been prescribed, like prozac and everything else. Boys have always been part of her problem and shes been recently involved with a guy with drugs problems of his own and shes been turning to weed, meth etc as well as the stuff she has to take.

Dont worry, i dont think i'll be going anywhere near a zoo though...

 

[Notters]

Sounds like you really care about her mate, I'm afraid I can't help a great deal, but I have heard that a lot of people to suffer from such illnesses as a result of the pressure they're under at Oxbridge. Do you think this may have caused it?

I hope it all works out alright. I think Croydon Seagull is right, at least to a certain extent, in that depression gets worse the more you dwell on it and therefore any distractions may be a help, be that a trip to the zoo, or the cinema or whatever.

 

[Freddie Goodwin.]

Remember that to take care of her you have to be pretty strong. it's easy to be a sponge and be there to soak up all her misery, which will bring you down and will not encourage her to take steps herself.

be supportive and be there but also make sure that you are able to step back from it all at times so as to re-charge.

I would suggest finding a good footie team to support but.....

BTW, I have been a carer for somebody with similar problems and it's easy to forget the carers hence my advise.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Manic Depressive ... should be dealt with by health professionals, it's not something for laymen to try to fix, you can't. All you can do is be as supportive as you can manage and try offer encouragement.

Is the correct answer.

 

[tedebear]

I've only sen one case of depression first hand, and it was as a result of some issues around self worth from an adopted background and upbringing...So (although you probably already know) you may find some fairly deep rooted issues causing her depression, the alcohol and drugs merely allow her an escape from her self loathing for a while, and the more she escapes the better she feels, so its a vicious circle until the underlying issue is addressed. As a result the person I know is sadly an alcoholic.

 

[DerbyGull]

My mum gave this poem to me a few years ago on a little card and i kept it in my wallet, you should pass this on to her, i know she can choose to dismiss it and thats ok, but it has helped me out in the past and even now, i've hit a low point, but the only way is forward, it's just how and when you start moving forward instead of life being in pause or backwards mode.

 

[HampshireSeagulls]

Drink makes it complicated. The health pros will tell you that they can only really deal with one aspect of this at a time. Prozac is shite - I know lots of teachers who came off that and went onto Citalopram instead and it seems to keep them more functional. She needs to be seriously involved in some cognitive based therapy, but needs to get off the non-prescribed mood altering shite, including booze. And watch out for Christmas, it's a mix of the best and worst of times for depressives, they need stability, not wildly varying ups and downs.

 

[sydney]

she needs to be encouraged to cut down the illicit drugs which will negate the effect of the prescribed ones.....paticularly the meth which is the most destructive drug created by far and can create psychosis as an after effect..........a change of scenery may definitely help her , a holiday somewhere warm , long walks , swimming in the sea.........i had to look after my brother when his second wife had finished with him and i know how unnerving and frustrating it is to try and help someone who is on the cusp of self destruction............good luck mate....!!!!

 

[1066gull]

My problems to are to do with family problems, disagreements and such for not being allowed to do our own thing even if they are the right. I struggled much BEFORE I went to university, but having said that because of certain family problems and kept from a lot of things, I was almost too sheltered I all of a sudden became to big for my own shoes. I then fell down and went in to gambling, first to avoid loneliness and then to recoup debts and get friendships. I'm now back with my parents, you could say back to square one, completely feel like I am trapped, imprisoned and punished. Although I feel like I am much tougher mentally, but I do believe humanity does have weakness and how long before I crack. I am 20 now, I will be 21 within 4 and a half months, if nothing comes my way soon what's to say I will not lose it.

I really dunno what to say about her though, other than try and include her in social activities as much as possible and make sure she is loved by many people. I am not talking about you personally, but everyone she knows, has to play apart, trying to rebuild friendship bridges she is losing.

 

[algie]

My problems to are to do with family problems, disagreements and such for not being allowed to do our own thing even if they are the right. I struggled much BEFORE I went to university, but having said that because of certain family problems and kept from a lot of things, I was almost too sheltered I all of a sudden became to big for my own shoes. I then fell down and went in to gambling, first to avoid loneliness and then to recoup debts and get friendships. I'm now back with my parents, you could say back to square one, completely feel like I am trapped, imprisoned and punished. Although I feel like I am much tougher mentally, but I do believe humanity does have weakness and how long before I crack. I am 20 now, I will be 21 within 4 and a half months, if nothing comes my way soon what's to say I will not lose it.

I really dunno what to say about her though, other than try and include her in social activities as much as possible and make sure she is loved by many people. I am not talking about you personally, but everyone she knows, has to play apart, trying to rebuild friendship bridges she is losing.

Don't confuse depression with low self esteem which by the sounds of it you suffer from.

 

[Psychobilly freakout]

Clarkey, you sound like a true friend the kind that only comes along several times in a persons lifetime. Just be there for her which can be hard at times, but also remember not to be an enabler which is in most definitions a person who through his or her actions allows someone else to achieve something. Most often the term enabler is associated with people who allow loved ones to behave in ways that are destructive. For example, an enabler of an alcoholic/drugs might continue to provide the friend with alcohol/drugs or put them in situations that makes the person want (through stress etc) or come in to contact with temptation. Its a tricky road there Clarkey. My wifes Sister at the age of 15 was hooked on various drugs through a self esteem problem.Which after 6 years struggle with many ups and downs,she has pulled through and is at Boston univ and studying hard for a job in child care and psychology. Good luck and stay strong.


Ps im not saying in anyway or insinuating that your an enabler in a bad way....ok