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Do you have release clause? if so, I’d happily pay it…

Which season, Dougal?

It’s a shame you can’t promise to be more exciting.

Oh good.

I will say that I doubt you’ll be more exciting next season

Well, bloody Ada, I’ve popped by here, safe in the knowledge that after Oily Glasschin’s lot fluked their way to a win at Anfield, my old mate Dougal would be here and in full flow. He’s not. I can’t decide if I’m disappointed in his lack of predictability or delighted that he’s not spraying his...

Anagrams of Oliver Glasner include: * Oven allergies * Overselling, ar! I must do some work now…

It lives! Alright Dougal? Mum let you back on the 56k modem now you’ve cleaned “those disgusting tissues” from under you bed?

I’d go 0-0 IF there is a flurry of red cards for both sides and season ending injuries for three more Palace players…

I’d like Dougal to walk permanently. He’s just an irritating troll. The others are fine and it’s good to have the ability to disagree whilst maintaining respect for a different opinion.

Morning all, I reckon their biggest fear right now is that scans today/tomorrow will rule Olise and Guehi out for the rest of the season. I reckon they’re close to being a cooked goose if so. Oh dear. How sad. Never mind.

Worry not, my friend, I am sure Dougal would never get in a scrap. He’s not even brave enough to come on here after yesterday. He’d have been at home eating alphabetispaghetti on toast with his old Mum before retiring to his stinky room for an Only Fans viewing session with Astrid Wett.

Where’s Dougal with his smug, nose-tapping ITK info? Oh, I know, he’s just full of shit…

I very much respect your approach and your choice of tea, Sir. I will shortly be fulfilling my morning ritual of making ceremonial grade Matcha in my glazed bowl with my bamboo whisk. Whilst I imbibe said tea, I will reflect further on our courteous exchanges regarding the olfactory passages...

Au contraire, Mr Milkins, mine was an objective commentary on the evolutionary physiology of two homo sapiens.

Nicely put, Sir. Lord Tony’s nasal appendage is sculpted, crafted, a thing of pure joy, perfect like the rest of his 5’6” frame. Darwinian evolution is the size it is because of his prodigious ability to sniff out a deal. As Albion fans we are too modest to make this point. By contrast Lord...

Danny Ings would be a classic Palace signing. Past it, expensive, but a one-time name that gives Beaky a pants party. Please make it happen, Mr Croydon’s-answer-to-Cyrano-de-Bergerac…and double up with old Seggers himself. Combined, that will take c£250k per week away from developing young...

Was it not the hammie that kept him out for 4/5 months? If he’s torn the same one again, that could be a couple of weeks minimum. Ideally another 4/5 months, recover, sign for ManUre for the minimum release fee and Palace can buy another Rob Holding type and keep the rest ring-fenced for ”the...

But only Burnley (18) and Sheff Utd (15) have less. Also goals in Palace matches this season total 47, comfortably the least in the Prem. That makes Palace matches officially the most boring in the league (as if we didn’t know).

#CPFC in melt down on Twitter/X (they all watched our game, bless them). And Pardew (the creepy uncle) now in the frame now to take over from Woy… What a marvellous day. Buonanotte, sleep tight, all x